Self Love Mastery

What if all we need to master is self love?

Why heal, why love ourselves?


“-What is the key to saving the world? -You. You are the key. Heal yourself, know yourself, make yourself whole and free. Release all limits so that your love can flow unconditionally for yourself and the world, this will open the heaven of your heart completely and it will guide you without fail.” /Young Pueblo

That says it all really…

One of the greatest tragedies in life is losing our sense of self and accepting the version of ourself that is expected from others, society and the system. And the vast majority of us go through life like that. Living life separated from our authentic selves, losing ourselves to other people and circumstances. Living life from that place will simply never make us truly happy and fulfilled. From that place we will not be able to contribute to the world in the way we were intended to do with the unique talents and abilities that we were given. We will simply not be the powerful creators we came here to be.

Healing ourselves is really about shedding all the layers of what we are not. When we in that process reconnect with the true selves in a balanced and healthy way, and begin to love ourselves there, we automatically, deeply and intimately reconnect to the infinite intelligence that created us. When we recognise and honor what created us, we are connected to the divinity that flows through the universe and ourselves. We return to our true potential and we reconnect with our natural talents. 

In that instant that that reconnection happens we are radically transformed. Our entire perception of who we are is transformed and life will never be experienced the same again. In that very moment our identity is shifted and our thoughts, emotions and beliefs has to follow. In that very second there is no confusion, no pain, no questions, no ego, no separation and our lives are infused with depth and purpose. We understand who we are and why we are here.

When we heal and arrive at that place where we allow self-love to flow through us, the deepest wounds are given a chance to heal. As we address and heal what lies hidden within us, our traumas from the past, the world can no longer project that pain back at us. There is no longer a trigger, the mirror is shattered. When our inner world becomes more governed by love and ease rather than fear and pain, we start to experience the world as lighter, kinder and more loving. In the process of healing our wounds we also free others from the painful roles we have given them to play in the pain-game we have consciously and unconsciously created. And therein lies our power to change our life experience and the world in which we live.

As we start loving ourselves through the healing that has happened, we release all expectation that love and satisfaction is to come from somewhere outside of ourselves. With that, a deep sense of relaxation happens and we take back our true power. We start to trust ourselves and who we are. We begin to trust life and when we trust life we are connected to guidance and support that is unfathomable. Life begins flow smoothly and effortlessly. And yes it may sound like an old cliché, but without being connected to that infinite love that we find through self love, we simply can’t love and give of ourselves without expectation and conditioning. This is why.

“In healing yourself you become a healer of others, you are healing the planet. Know that there is no more sacred work than this.” /Unknown

This event made me even more convinced that we can heal our world through facing our deepest wounds and healing of ourselves there. I’ve experienced it so many times myself, through watching healing happen in friends and then seeing the world follow.

My child is like many children today, very intuitive and sensitive to energies. He was and still is like a big satellite dish that receives everything that goes on around him unless he deliberately blocks it out. From a very early age he was carrying anger and rage that for the most part was directed towards me. That  was happening while me and his father were still together and with so many and complex unexpressed emotions circulating around him, that was understandable. But when we got divorced and this continued, I realized that this must have to do with something else aswell since his attacks towards me continued.

With my belief system that what we experience on the outside is a reflection of what goes on on the inside as my truth, I had to somehow eventually face the possibility that this at least partly, had to do with an unhealed part within me. I had experienced too many times during my training to be a therapist how the world outside changes when something within is transformed. That belief was so ruthlessly true to me, I just hadn’t found what was connected to this yet. Our relationship was many times the subject to my process work in the therapy training and I had dug through so many memories and events in my life but I had not found the key to unlock this pattern. Until I through an unexpected event much later, got in touch with a part of me I had not addressed earlier.

At one of the coaching courses I took during this time, we were given the task of painting two masks. One that represented our female side and one that represented our male side. My female mask was light and childish, but my male mask was dark and hard.

We would then stand up in front of the group and with the different masks covering our face speak spontaneously from that part of us. As a female I was only 9 years old and did not have much to say. She had  stopped in her development and was still just a little girl. This was interesting in itself, as I thought back on what went on in my life when I was around nine. My parents divorce, a major shut down during a sports event, taking on masses of responsibility for stuff I was too young to handle…

But I had no idea that my male side, the part of me that had taken over as the girl inside me had taken a step back, was mad with fury. When I turned away from the group to put the male mask on, I felt something well up within me that I didn’t know if I could control. In the short second it took for me to turn around and face the group, my entire body filled up with a bottomless, overwhelming rage and fierce frustration that I had no idea was within me. I was clear that this was some of the stuff my son picked up and felt obliged to express since I didn’t. Just as I had done as a child with what went on back then.

It seemed to come from nowhere and since I was with people with whom I felt safe, I let it all come. Everything was pouring out of me in the form of the foulest words I could come up with and with eyes that could kill. It was not pretty, balanced, organized or logical in any way. It was a storm, a hurricane, a tsunami and I let it happen until there was nothing left.

“Compassion is deeply knowing that the other is you.” /M.R

Afterwards I curled up on the floor completely shocked and empty inside and since I had my therapy training to back me up, I knew what I needed to do. I sat down in a corner for myself and took myself through an internal forgiveness process that I invited my child to join. We both got the opportunity to speak, to express, to understand, to forgive and be forgiven. We cleaned up a lot of stuff that had been going on and created understanding and acceptance for each other. And through clearing up this boil of unexpressed emotions, I freed him of the burden he for some reason had made his own. When we finally let each other go we were both more open, soft and light.

When I got home the next day and met my child in real life, I immediately knew something was different. He was softer, happier and lighter even in his physical form, and his rage erupted less often after that. We could communicate at a new level and we didn’t end up in a constant battle and that made it easier for us to start finding constructive solutions to quite a difficult situation that was going on in his life at the time.

“The healing you accept within is healing for the world.” Kyle Gray

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