“People seem to think embracing life means to jump off cliffs and kiss strangers; maybe it’s just slowly learning to love yourself. “/ youareluminous
As I write this, the second full moon of the first month of 2018, a blue blood moon combined with a full eclipse, has just graced us with its presence. Shedding yet another layer of what is no longer true, leaving spaciousness and freedom in its wake.
2018 is a master year they say. The ones that are consecrated in the ancient art of numerology whisper of a year of high vibration and frequency, a year of transformation. A year where we are challenged to choose between fear and love. The old and the new. The created self and our true self.
It’s a powerful year that lies ahead that will bring us growth and ascension if that is what we seek. And I am at a point where I ruthlessly choose love, the new, truth. And above all, radical self-love. I have no other choice. There is no going back now.
I am just ending my 44th year on this planet this time around. 4 + 4 = 8, the magical number eight that is my life path number and my personal year number this year. All the numbers in my zip code all add up 8, the total sum of my street number is 8. All the numbers in my passport number in pairs become 8. The list goes on and on and on and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. They teach that the eight represents balance and self-esteem. That it speaks of harvesting what has been sown, balancing the material and non-material. The feminine and the masculine. A symbol for abundance, inner wisdom and of eternity.
It’s not the first time that the number eight is both an invisible and visible fellow traveler in my life, it has come and gone, giving me glimpses of what I hoped would come one day. But at this moment in time it’s everywhere, it’s very visible and it humbly reflects back to me what is finally being manifested in my life. And I’m filled with gratitude and wonder of how I have been guided here, through this life journey of perfect imperfection.
“To move the world, we must first move ourselves.” / Socrates.
This experience of balance, expansion and transformation, is probably partly connected to things much bigger than myself, like moons, planets, movements in the universe and the sacred alignment of numbers. But it’s most definitely the result of my strong and stubborn determination to arrive here, at a place where my inner and outer flow is in harmony and where immense joy and bliss are states of being that are with me daily. Giving me the ability to finally relax into deep love and gratitude for life.
Because feelings of joy, bliss, love and gratitude towards life has not come easy to me. At all. It took me until my early 40’s to even begin living sporadically from that place. Even if I had occasional glimpses of awakening since my teenage years, simple joy for life and for no reason has been something out there, far away from where I’ve been most of my life. I have merely gotten close to it at short and flighty moments and I can’t remember how many times I have been on my knees, in tears and despair, screaming to God: “Show me why I am here! Show me how to be who I really am, what I am supposed to do here or take me home”. But God didn’t take me home. At least not in the sense I then wanted.
Instead I was put on a mission to find my way to another home. To that state of joy and bliss from within that despite it all, I somehow suspected must be the natural state for all of us, beyond pain and suffering. That state of home. That gateway to mastery. To a greater me.
And I longed so deeply to know this joy and to feel this bliss in every cell of my body, in every fibre of my being. And I wanted it to be real and present and I wanted to know it as something lasting that would never fail me, never leave. As something that I would never abandon again. Something unwavering that I was completely centered around and that I could return to no matter what was going on in the outer world. No matter what challenges life threw at me. I wanted to be it.
Because something within me whispered it was possible even if life didn’t give me any concrete signs or evidence of that there and then, when everything was a complete mess and all I knew was emotional chaos. And from that whisper, I was driven by an almost furious stubbornness to find the answer to what I knew was possible in this lifetime. Because I had begun to remember my true nature.
Parallelle to having seen that tiny glimpse of truth, I grew very sick and tired of the pain story that was constantly being re-created, replayed and repeated in my life. I was drawn to destructive and toxic relationships where only the characters and roles were changed. I was either the “victim” or the “perpetrator” in these dramas that were directed by the ego. Relationships which reflected my experience of unworthiness back at me in one way or the other. In my lack of self-love I also abandoned my natural talents and true potential as a performing artist. Instead I ended up working my body to pieces within industries so far away from my values and my truth. I lost myself in self blame and guilt and was drowning in self judgment and an intense conviction that I was flawed and broken. But the force of my awakening had grabbed me hard and there was no stopping that force.
So fuled by this stubbornness I finally dared to admit that no external changes, improvements or outer circumstances could cause my internal ailment to disappear. In the end there was no other place to turn, but inwards. There was no other option but to turn toward the faint light that had begun to make itself known from within in a form of a flickering notion. A notion so ungraspable and volatile. And to have that tiny spark grow into flaming reality, I realized that I would have to work through all of the grief, sadness, loneliness, anger, depression, anxiety and fear that I had known myself to be for so long. And large sums of money. 🙂
I understood that I had to face all these mental and emotional energies one after another to raise myself to a new state of being in order to be fully awake and present to my own potential and my own mastery.
So in the end, my ferocious longing gave me the courage to take the step that lead me inward. A step that put me onto a path that asked of me to part from everything I believed to be true about myself, the world and me in it.
And it turned out to be an invaluable and perfectly designed journey of awakening so meticulously planned in every detail for me to wake up through, the way I was meant to wake up. A journey that stripped off layer upon layer of what I was not, that eventually resulted in what never can be measured in neither time nor money. A result that is forever and ever expanding from here onwards. Immeasurable but extremely present. Present in the form of joy, peace, bliss, trust and connection. And it is unwavering.
It took me almost 20 years of conscious search to find the puzzle piece that finally made all other teachings and insights that I had picked up along the way to make sense. It took many lifetimes and generations of confusion and pain before that to understand that the Holy Grail I so diligently sought after, on behalf of my ancestors, was self-love. I wasn’t even aware that it had once gotten lost. I never understood the importance of it. Self-love was never spoken about. But in the wake of endless courses and retreats, encounters with masters, journeys across oceans, seminars and countless deep and heartfelt conversations with myself, with God and my closest soul travellers, it was revealed to me. That missing piece that once had gone missing in my ancestral lineage, eons ago.
When I finally realized what a huge part reconnecting with myself through self-love played in regards to experiencing joy, bliss and satisfaction, everything changed and profound transformation took place. Both in my inner and outer world. And it’s this discovery that I’d like to share with the world. It is not a revolutionary discovery. It’s nothing new, but a personal and intimate discovery that I hope will inspire others to set out on their own journeys to come home to themselves.
If someone had told me exactly what I was looking for in all the debris I was digging through I probably would have missed the target. Because I wouldn’t have believed that this one thing would have such profound importance to my own awakening. But at the same time, If someone had whispered to me that self-love was my Holy Grail and that self-love was what I so furiously was searching for under every stone I turned, it would have saved me both money and time.
So what I offer the world through my coaching is a whisper and it whispers to you to look in the direction of self-love. Working with me will will take you on a journey of involution where you are given the opportunity to deepen your relationship with yourself. And where you are guided to experience what unwavering joy from a place of self-love is for you.
“Self-love is not for the lucky. It is not for the lazy. And it certainly is not for the weak. Self-love is for the strong and the stubborn who make sure they show up to do the fucking work. It will become the best investment you will ever make in your life. When you go down this journey, prepare to fall in love. Prepare to change. And prepare for your entire life to be changed in stunning and unbelievable ways.” Meredith Maples
I am a accredited Journey Therapist, Master Results Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and NPA Practitioner. I am trained in Ericksonian Hypnosis and have practiced and studied EFT and other healing modalities the last 15 years. But my own healing path has been my greatest teacher when it comes to connecting deeply to the person that sits infront of me.